It is 5:30am. I shouldn't be up yet, but I couldn't back to sleep after Jeb waking up a while ago, so I thought I would come here and vent a little, give you an update and post a few recent pictures. I'll do the pictures first:

My happy baby boy: I think this one was taken a little over a month ago. Isn't he handsome? He really is the HAPPIEST baby I've ever seen. He lights up every time he sees me. He loves his Mommy. It makes my day every time.

He is also eating babyfood now! So far, I haven't come across anything that he doesn't like. The boy likes to eat! In case you couldn't tell!

We had a break from treatment for a couple of weeks and Izzy and I got to go to storytime at the library for those two weeks. She really enjoyed it, although it was something new so she was a little clingy to her Mommy at first. Here are a couple pictures of her playing in the kids section after storytime.

There is nothing in the world like watching your two babies loving on each other. I love to watch Isabelle make her brother laugh and smile. Even at such a young age, he knows that this little person is going to be important in his life.

We had long break from doing daily oral medication with Isabelle for awhile, and I don't think we fully appreciated it. The only thing she had to take for quite awhile was a preventative antibiotic on the weekends, and that one doesn't taste too bad, so she had gotten GREAT at doing medicine all by herself, with no parental intervention! Unfortunately though, we had to start back on the steroids recently, and those don't taste too good. She had to take them for 7 days, she has been off for almost 7 days, then she will start them again on Friday for another 7 days. We try really hard to give her plenty of time to do it on her own, and she knows that she will get a popsicle, a lollipop, or some other treat if she takes her medicine. We even mix it with chocolate syrup. We still usually end up having to intervene, which is really painful for all of us, but what do you do? She HAS to take it. Anyway, one night we had been begging and pleading with her for about an hour to take it and she finally did in our bedroom, and she wanted to eat her popsicle in there afterwards, so I brought it to her with a towel to catch the drippage. She was so exhausted that she fell asleep holding her popsicle and we had to get a picture.

Some more recent pictures of Jeb: He holds his head up great when he's on his belly and is rolling over some now too. How did he get to be so big already??

Now onto the updating and venting:

Isabelle is in the "Delayed Intensification" phase of treatment right now, and it is pretty much how it sounds: intense. It is the last phase before she starts maintenance, where she'll only go once a month, so they are trying to hit any remaining leukemia cells that might be hiding out in her body. She had to go to the clinic twice last week. On Tuesday for shots in her leg and Thursday for chemo in her port. The week before that she had a spinal tap and chemo in her port. Today she goes back for another round of chemo in her port. Like I said: intense. She has been getting really sick after treatments lately, so they gave her a prescription for anti-nausea, which does help. Some days, even if she's not getting sick, you can just tell that SOMETHING is bothering her. She doesn't feel good, she is moody, whiny, and cries A LOT. It's hard to know what to do as a parent. Sometimes I don't know whether she is really hurting, or if she's just throwing a fit because she is two. She doesn't know how to verbalize her feelings. I'm having a hard time finding a balance. I don't want to be too hard on her because I know she's going through more than any two year old should have to, but at the same time, I don't want to be too lenient on her because she will come out of this expecting the whole world to cater to her. What to do? Being responsible for shaping a little soul is hard enough! I worry about her a lot. Not just about her physical health, but about how all this is going to affect her mentally, emotionally, and socially as she gets older. I guess we just have to do our best and leave the rest to God, but that's easier said than done sometimes. Somedays I just feel like I can't find my center of gravity. I need to be strong for my children, but sometimes I'm just WEARY, and that's all there is to it. I have been taking comfort in this scripture lately: "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30) I do need lots of prayers though. I need prayers that God will help me to handle everything I say and do with Isabelle the utmost grace and wisdom. I need prayers that God will give me the strength to get through each day and not lose my patience. I need prayers that I can find my peaceful place when the storms around me are raging. I need prayers for humility to ask for help when I need it. I'm not very good at that. I don't want to be a burden on others. I need prayers that I will be joyful for my children's sake. It's not good for them to see me being down. I have read this scripture many times: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I want to be mature and complete, but the process sure is painful!